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When You Call Yourself A True Friend - Be One!      FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS DIE    They  Call For  Help  No Matter What!

 
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Sunday June 25, 2017 

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Our Children

Click on a name below to see their page

 

Danielle McCarthy
Washington

Christi Nowak
Georgia

Anke Furber
Georgia

Levi Wren
Washington

Ephrain Schultz
New York

Mark R Ellis
Rhode Island

Sean P. Efford
New Mexico

Caitlyn Brady
New Hampshire

Katty McGuire Andrea
Washington

JP Faulk
Florida

Michael Miller
Massachusetts

Chuck Tabaka
Wisconsin

Miranda Daly
California

Jamie Leavitt
Washington

Kaylin Marie Mathews
California

RJ Davis
Alabama

Billy Grandchamp
Rhode Island

Nicholas Werhofnik
Georgia

Rebecca Marks
New York

Dustin Kueter
South Dakota

Chase Denver Julian
Louisiana

Katelynn Porter
Ontario,Canada

Tony Trujillo
Colorado

Billy Joe Towle Jr.
Michigan

Kelley Wilson
Alabama

Rhiannon Fraser
Florida

Vivianna Satterfield
New Mexico

Kelli Laine Lewis
South Carolina

Taylor Smith
Georgia


Danielle cherished family, friends and life. She had her whole life planned out; her husband, number of kids, two dogs and would be a dermatologist, a career where she could help others but have time for her family.
Christi had just enrolled in college. She just began taking First Baptist Church shuttles downtown every Thursday to befriend the homeless. Just chit chatting with them and letting them know they had a friend. In her journals, she was determined to turn her life around and she started by helping others. She volunteered often for the M.U.S.T. Ministries to help set up their clothing shop for the homeless and the children's center. She helped cooked their meals. She helped do their laundry. She wanted to go into a field helping others. She would have changed at least one person's life, for the better, when they thought there was no more hope. She didn't show up last Thursday. She died.
In the months before she was killed, 21-year-old Anke Furber had been acting scared and she seemed to know she was in danger. Several days after Furber's charred remains were discovered in a small vineyard in Norcross, Anke's mom, Ria, found a note in Anke's desk at home in Marietta. In it, Anke seemed to foreshadow her own death. She wrote, "My parents would surely grieve the loss of their wonderful daughter whose craziness would soon lead to her slaughter". Ria isnt sure exactly when the note was written, but believes it was written in a close time frame to the actual murder.
At 22 years old, Levi had goals and ambitions of being a business owner, a husband and a father. He loved his family and friends with everything in him and would do anything for you. His shyness and manners we're a shining attribute to who he was. Unfortunately, Levi befriended someone who for nearly three years took advantage of his kindness and when asked to leave his home, he killed him. If he would have just walked out the door as asked, Levi would still be here today. We'll never know all the wonderful things that Levi would have accomplished, but we know he was a "Friend" till the end.
Ephraim was 21 yrs old when he prematurely transitioned to the other side. He was a very warm hearted young man. And was always available to help friends and family. As his cousin Ben said about him: "You can lay a 1,000. on the table and know completely that Ephraim would have never taken it". He spent most of his days at Antique World in Clarence , NY which was owned and operated by his Uncle. That was my sons world. A world he will no longer be able to participate in. He is sorely missed by his family and friends.
Mark suffered a brain injury at the age of 19 the night of a high school prom. Mark died at the age of 25. Life was hard for Mark, he lived an aphasic life. Mark struggled to relearn his alphabet and to speak again. Neuro rehab, drug rehab, jails, institutions and death. Mark was disabled and a fighter all at the same time. College, heavy equipment operator, volunteering were all part of these six years. Mark loved kids and wished he had one. Due to the selfish reasoning of his so called friends, Mark will never be able to achieve his dreams that he fought so hard for. Mark's struggle is over !! PEACE..........
His friends describe him as a kind, warm hearted, full of energy, always smiling, and a very silly young man. They also said that whenever Sean walked into a room that he had the ability lighting up the room because he was full of life and energy! He loved his dad, his mom, and his sister very much. He had a very special bond with his great grandma Efford and his great aunt Charlene whom also up in heaven with him. A warm hug from Sean was just another way that he showed his affection to his family and friends
When Cayte was in the middle school she was on the track team, she was a cheerleader for the Nor-Roc Vikings, she was on a soccer team, and she loved attending the dances at the Sad Cafe. When she went to high school, all of those activities stopped. The sad reason was because she was too old. All the kids have, once they reach high school, are the woods and the homes of friends when the parents are at work. If she had activities to do after school when she went to high school, maybe this wouldn't have happened.
From her birth to her passing Katty touched so many lives. Not only did her family have the joy of watching her grow from a 6 pound baby girl to a beautiful young woman, but so many others did as well. The lives she touched are too many to fathom. Her beauty and grace preceded her where ever she went. Her heart was made of fine gold and she cared for others always before herself. She was not just special to all of us but to the Lord who saw fit to call her home at such a young age. Her mansion was ready! When we think of Katty now we all can be at peace because we know she is with her Lord, never to face this harsh world we live in day to day. She is with us always when we remember her smile, her touch, and her kind words. We all had the pleasure of being touched by an ANGEL!
We want our son's name to be Remembered and to bring hope and joy out of something that has been the darkest and heartbreaking days of our families life. JP was very out spoken and we have decided to be that way on this site and to be his voice about the drug companies and the public official's that sit back and do nothing. If we could save one person from what our family had to go Through and is still going Through, it would be all worth it We will not stop until the truth gets out. We want his memory to live on.
Time has gone by so quickly and it seems like we haven't seen your face in forever. Our hearts are broken, our tears flow so freely and our souls feel empty. Michael, you left us with so many happy memories but the memories can never take your place. We know you and your uncle Sam are saving a place for those who cherished you the most.
Two weeks before he died, Chuck called me on the phone. He was excited to tell me he was joining the National Guard. He had begun to think about being a History Teacher. He planned to attend school after basic training. He also mentioned a new girlfriend. He was pretty crazy about her but wanted to give things a little more time before making her "meet the parents". Still, we made plans to meet for lunch once July wound down. He thought we might all get together and told me not to worry, he had a job and would help pay the check. The first time I met the young lady he was so crazy about was as she cried herself senseless over his casket. She laid a broken heart chain and necklace across his hands. She wore the mating half around her slender neck. Her courage in court helped to solidify the deal that sent a drug dealer to prison. I hope she, and Chuck's other friends, make the right decision and swear off drug use so we may never see their faces on these pages.
Everyone ever touched by Miranda. This will be a tribute to the life she lived. She was the most remarkable and inspirational woman I have ever known. I was in awe of my own daughter. Even as her mother, her beauty took my breath away, and as she walked this earth from her crawling stages to adulthood her beauty from the inside amazed me. Miranda loved about every living thing and each friend she had she made her relationship with them special and unique.
Jamie was a very loving son, brother, grandson, nephew, boyfriend and friend.. Most importantly he was the best father anyone could have asked for.. Even though he was only 16 when he was taken away from us from his so called friend, he did everything for his daughter and mother of his daughter  that he had asked to marry him when he turns 18.. Jamie was the type of kid that would take his shirt off his back for anyone that needs it..  Jamie died on April 23, 2008.. If only his so called friend (29 yrs old), his mother and the other people at the home called 911 instead of waiting 3 hours, he would still be here with us today.. Jamie's dad passed away Nov 2005 and he had a hard time dealing with loosing his father and could not believe he was gone.. Well now Jamie is at home with his dad..Until we meet again... I am proud of you my son..Love you always and forever, Mommy
Kaylin Marie Mathews was born on a Tuesday March 1, 1988. Kaylin was my oldest child and my only daughter. She could play the piano, guitar, and drums and loved to sing. She had been "spinning records" the last few years and loved to mix music. She had been working as a d.j. at the time of her death and was very good. Kaylin was an only child for 71/2 years. She has one brother and one sister. She was a talented writer. She made jewelry and she could draw. There was nothing that my baby couldn't do, if she wanted to. Kaylin was left to die in a ravine on June 30, 2008. She was found on July 1, 2008. Her date of death is listed as a Tuesday July 1, 2008. She was 20 years old. I miss her every second of every day. The world lost an amazing talent and an amazing young woman. I lost a part of my heart.
R.J. was truly a blessing in our lives. He was the kind of son that most parents only dream of having. He always respected and obeyed his parents and never got in trouble. RJ was never in trouble in his life RJ always called home to let us know where he was and when he would be home. When he was missing and we couldn't reach him on his cell phone, we knew immediately something terrible was wrong. This is a nightmare that no parent should have to go through and we are living it. Our concern is not what we are going through, but what our son had to go through in his final moments of life.
William Michael Grandchamp better known as Billy, was born Nov 7,1979. HE was a only child. Billy had many friends. Billy often told his friends that his MOM was his best friend. Billy liked to collect sports attire like jerseys and sports caps.Everything he wore had to match. He was meticulous with his clothing, car, and home. Although, Billy had no children of his own he loved children. He told me his greatest wish was to find a good girl and settle down and have a family. That seemed to be very important to him. Even at a young age he had a gift with children. Billy's friends have always commented on how good he was with their children and how their children loved him. Billy was loved by so many people. He had over 800 friends and family members at his wake. Billy will be greatly missed by all his family and friends.
Chase lived life spontaneously with the freedom of a butterfly – a free spirit & soul – no one could hold him down, except his baby girl. She was his LIFE. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her, including getting clean. Chase was clean 1.5 yrs, after 6 months in residential rehab in New Orleans, continued with NA meetings, substance abuse group counseling, and sought out a Navy recruiter who told him all he would have to do to be eligible. He seemed to be on his way, until he fell off the wagon 12 days out of jail. Turning to heroin again to deal with stress was the mistake of his life. “Chase’s Story” is shared with you on his main page. Thanks for taking time to read it. Sincere and heartfelt thanks to the FDLFD Family for taking us under their wings. “They will sing me to them, and I will hear.” ~RIP Chase~4evrYng~1985-2009
Katelynn Lillian Porter, 16, of West Elgin, was killed in a car crash on Dunborough Rd. in Elgin County. “In loving memory of Katelynn Porter. 12/12/09. 9:40 p.m.” is written between two hearts on the roadside memorial, a makeshift cross. Porter was a student at West Elgin secondary school, where officials are trying to come to grips with the news of her death, especially so close to Christmas.
Tony passed away 10 days after his 16th birthday. He asked permission to spend the night at his friends and I told him yes. I told him" I love you" and he replied "I love you too Mom. Tony was the kid who wanted to make everyone laugh. He had such a wonderful sense of humor and a big heart. He would talk to his friends for hours trying to help them solve their problems. He was a loving big brother, and a wonderful son. He would help you with anything without even being asked. Tony was an extremely intelligent child. He was always placed in advanced classes. A week before he passed we received a letter from Columbine informing us that Tony was nominated to participate in their advanced English Program. He had a gift for writing stories.
She loved all things technical and mechanical with her older brother Ian and fashion and decorating days with her older sister Genevieve. She loved Gothic country art, the workings of the human body, video games, driving and her new tattoo machine. She loved swimming and surfing. She loved all things living and loved her dog Timpleton and her parrot Thermopolis. She had a strong heart and soul, was an independent and progressive thinker, open minded and a will power like no one else. Her favorite place to go was Barnes and Noble.
Vivianna Satterfield was 15 years old! Vivi was the type of young lady that put other people in front of herself. She would always say "Peace and Love".
Kelli Laine Lewis is my only daughter. Kelli died when she was 18 after attending a party hosted by 3 adults who offered a $5.00 entry fee to come and drink all you wanted. A pretty tempting offer for teens not old enough to buy alcohol.
Growing up – she had it all. She was smart and witty - she could come up with a jovial comeback in almost any conversation or situation. She wShe was smart and witty - she could come up with a jovial comeback in almost any conversation or situation. She was always photographing everything and always laughing. She had an infectious laugh, loud and squeaky, but incredibly endearing. Taylor was a huge fan of Tyler Perry’s Madea. She owned every play and knew every word to every gospel song in the plays. She would sing them at the top of her lungs to anyone that would listen. as always photographing everything and always laughing. She had an infectious laugh, loud and squeaky, but incredibly endearing.
He went out THE FIRST TIME to celebrate being "LEGAL" with a creep he considered a friend (even though we warned him this guy was not a true friend). My son did not drive so he was picked up about ten thirty. Even when it was obvious my son was having difficulties this creep brought him to his own house , which is 4 houses away for a few hours, and dropped him off here at home in the middle of the night WITHOUT KNOCKING OR CALLING OR WAKING US UP. We found Ben in his bed the next morning when we tried to wake him.

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Information On Grief

The Compassionate Friends

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"Reflections of Love, Visions of Hope"

 

"Reflections of Love, Visions of Hope" is the theme of The Compassionate Friends 33rd National Conference which will be held in Arlington Virginia July 2-4, 2010. The event will be held at the Hyatt Regency Crystal City promising a beautiful venue for the 33rd TCF National Conference. Independence Day will not only feature our Walk to Remember, but will include a world-class display of fireworks over the National Mall, visible from Arlington.


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Willowgreen

Resources For Healing, For Hope, For Tending That Which Is Sacred

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Willowgreen  Video Meditation


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MY GRIEF WISH LIST

1. I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child's name. They lived and were important and I need to hear their name.

2. If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me; the fact they have died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying is emotional outbursts of healing.

3. I wish you wouldn't let my child die again by removing from your home his/her pictures, artwork or other remembrances.

4. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn't think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that I have a bad day, I need psychiatric counseling.

5. I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you wouldn't compare it to your loss of a parent, spouse or a pet.

6. Being a bereaved person is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't stay away from me.

7. I wish you knew all the crazy grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration and hopelessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.

8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be "cured" or "formerly bereaved", but forever be "recovering" from my bereavement.

9. I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a lot of illnesses and be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.

10. Our child's birthday, the anniversary of his/her death and holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell us that you are thinking about them on these days and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about them and don't try to coerce us into being cheerful.

11. I wish you wouldn't offer to take me out for a drink, or to a party, this is just a temporary crutch and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have hurt before and I can heal.

12. I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my child died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to "my old self", you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me; maybe you will still like me.

-The Compassionate Friends-
 

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Anniversary Grief

Date updated: September 08, 2006

Content provided by MayoClinic.com

When a loved one dies, you often don't experience the grief of loss just once. You're likely to relive your grief on the anniversary of your loved one's death and on special days throughout the year, such as a birthday or religious holiday. Even memorial celebrations for strangers who died in catastrophes, conflicts or disasters can trigger the familiar pain and sadness of a loss.

The return of these feelings of grief is not necessarily a setback in the grieving process. It's a reflection that the lives of others were important to you, and that you grieve their loss. Learning more about what to expect and how to cope with reminders of your loss can help make the grieving process a healthy, healing one.

When grief returns

The memories and emotions rekindled through reminders are called anniversary reactions. These reactions, which can last for days or weeks at a time, often give rise to a host of emotions and physical problems.

You may experience sadness, loneliness, anger, anxiety, nightmares and lack of interest in activities, just as you did when you first grieved. You may weep unexpectedly or replay images or scenes related to your loved one. You might have trouble eating or sleeping, or develop headaches, stomach pain or intestinal upset.

Anniversary reactions can also evoke powerful emotional memories - experiences in which you vividly recall the feelings and events surrounding the death. You might remember in great detail where you were and what you were doing, for instance.

Common triggers of grief

Some reminders are almost inevitable, especially during the first year after a death. That's when you'll face a lot of "firsts" - the first holiday after your sister died, for example. The first Mother's Day after losing your mom. The first anniversary of a national tragedy. Your reactions to these firsts might be intense, but you'll probably find it easier to cope with subsequent anniversary dates as years pass.

Common reminders that may trigger your grief also include:

Weddings and wedding anniversaries Family gatherings or celebrations Childhood milestones, including the first day of school, prom, homecoming and other child-oriented days, such as Halloween Special days - when you met, when you became engaged, when you last saw your loved one alive, when you took a big trip together, for example Reminders aren't just tied to the calendar, though. They can be anywhere - in sights, sounds and smells, in the news or on television programs. And they can ambush you, suddenly flooding you with emotions when you drive by the restaurant your wife loved or when you hear a song your friend liked so much.

Even years after a loss you may continue to feel sadness and pain when you're confronted with such reminders. Although some people think grieving should last a year or less, grieve at your own pace.

When grief becomes depression or PTSD

On the other hand, protracted or intense grief can be unhealthy. If you find that your feelings interfere with your ability to function in your daily life - you miss work deadlines, have conflicts with family or friends, neglect your appearance or stop socializing, for instance - you may no longer be simply grieving. Your grief may have progressed into depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Depression

Symptoms of depression include self-criticism, feelings of guilt about the loss and even thoughts of suicide. If you're experiencing any of these symptoms, it's time to get treatment. Start by visiting your primary care doctor to discuss treatment options, such as psychotherapy or medication.

PTSD

In some cases, anniversary reactions can trigger PTSD. This is more likely to occur when you have recurrent distressful memories of something that happened to you personally, such as a mugging or a car accident. Signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress include fear and anxiety, a lack of focus, sadness, changes in sleeping or eating habits, bouts of crying, or recurrent thoughts or nightmares about the event. If you have these disturbing feelings for more than a month, if they're severe or if you feel you're having trouble coping, see your doctor or a mental health professional.

Prepare for episodes of grief

Be prepared for the occasional return of feelings of grief. Knowing that you're likely to experience anniversary reactions can help you understand them and even turn them into opportunities for healing. Some people create new holiday traditions or ways of honoring loved ones who have died. You may find that symbolizing or expressing grief helps you cope better than denying or avoiding it.

Attending public memorials and ceremonies that mark the anniversary of tragedies, disasters and other events that claimed lives also can help. These kinds of ceremonies can help draw people together and allow you to share feelings with others who feel similarly.

You might find yourself dreading upcoming special days, fearful of being overwhelmed by painful memories and emotions. In some cases, the anticipation can be worse than the reality. In fact, you may find that you work through some of your grief as you cope with the stress and anxiety of approaching reminders.

Tips to cope and heal

Here are several ways to cope with reminders of loss and to continue the healing process:

Be reassured that anniversary reactions are normal and that their intensity will diminish in time. Reminisce about your relationship with the person who died. Try to focus on the good things about the relationship and the time you had together, rather than the loss. Plan a distraction, such as a weekend away or a visit with friends or relatives. Start a new tradition in your loved one's memory. For example, make a donation to a charitable organization in the person's name on birthdays or holidays. If you find yourself becoming more anxious, sad or distressed by news coverage, limit your exposure to news reports about tragic events. Draw family members and friends close to you, rather than avoiding them. Find someone who will encourage you to talk about your loss. Stay connected to your usual support systems, such as spiritual leaders and social groups. Allow yourself to feel sadness and a sense of loss. Conversely, allow yourself to also experience joy and happiness as you celebrate special times. In fact, you might find yourself both laughing and crying. 

 

 

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Go ahead and mention my child,--------------------the one that died

you know.

Don't worry about hurting me,-------------------------the depth of my

pain don't show.

Don't worry about making me cry,-------------------I'm all ready

crying inside.

Help me to heal by releasing,-------------------------the tears that

I try to hide.

I'm hurt when you just keep silent,------------------Pretending she

 didn't exist.

I'd rather you mention my child,----------------------knowing that she

has been missed.

You ask me how I am doing?-------------------------I say ""pretty

good"" or "" fine""

But healing is something ongoing.------------------I feel it will

take a lifetime.

 

With deep thoughts and affection

~Argia

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Made by Danielle McCarthy's Parents

We Are the Broken

 We are the broken

Our lives have changed

Our children taken,

We're filled with pain.

 

We look to you

To show you care.

At first you support us

Then you're not there.

 

We see you out

You see us too

You avoid us

That hurts too.

 

What did we do

For you to leave?

Our children died

Now we grieve.

 

We put on masks

When you are near

We scream inside

But you don't hear.

 

You tell us, "Move on.

Get on with your life."

We simply nod

Your words piercing like a knife.

 

We long to say our child's name

The one you want unspoken

So you don't call because you're afraid

Of we, who are the broken.

 

By: Kim Lasater

Mother of Kaylin Mathews

Copyright 2009

FRIENDS DONT LET FRIENDS DIE   COPYRIGHT   2010